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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145560">unfiltered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drabble, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, accepting one another, it's happy i swear yujae are full of looooovvvvveeeeeeee, it's really bad but i have to post smth at some point, jaehyun loves love and loves yuta, mentions of sex in the past, shitty writing though so i doubt the angst will actually hit, yuta is stubborn because he's a scorpio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:47:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Yuta and Jaehyun want something more.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>unfiltered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi this is my first fic im posting on here! exciting ik. constructive criticism is welcome and so are lovely comments!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to do with you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That was a statement Yuta could easily change, he thought. As he stared directly ahead into his lover’s eyes all he saw was hopelessness. Jaehyun looked tired with his brown hair ruffled into a mess, his lazy-day outfit drooping off his body, his face illuminated by the setting sun and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh wow he’s so beautiful. </span>
  </em>
  <span>His jaw clenched and his dimples revealed itself while his lips were pursed. The taller male was standing in the middle of the living room with his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and his brows furrowed, almost like he wanted to shout and scream. Yuta just wanted to kiss him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The silence between the two was deafening. Reassuring words were on the tip of Yuta’s tongue, something along the lines of “I’m sorry. Please take me as I am. I want to be with you. Hold me.” but were never said. Yuta might be a small guy but he knows how to put up a fight. His frame is more delicate compared to Jaehyun’s but that doesn’t mean he’s fragile. His jaw is neatly defined and his nose being ever so present on his face. Memories of Jaehyun tracing his fingers over Yuta’s nose so, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> lovingly right after a night of sex come flooding to his head. Tears are now threatening to spill but he keeps his composure. Yuta’s eyes are big and hold so much emotion in them it pains Jaehyun to look directly at him sometimes. His hair is long and platinum blonde, multiple piercings on his ears including his navel and tongue, some tattoos are littered around his body and Yuta can’t help himself from finding how funny the pair look. Jaehyun, oh so lovely, clean cut Jaehyun and Yuta, a man who expresses himself in the form of permanent ink and a different hair colour every month. Simplicity meets expressivity.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Finally, Yuta says something, not the right thing, but at least it’s something. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, what do you want from me?” Yuta counters with a little edge in his voice. He’s tired of being confused of this little arrangement they both have going on. Countless nights of unspoken affirmations and stolen kisses is enough to make them both blow up. Make them both confront their doubts head on.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun drags his hand in his hair and sighs. His puffy eyes are now squeezed shut and his mouth open. Yuta wants to kiss him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want,” He stops himself and reassesses his words, “I want you to figure out what you want from me.” Jaehyun no longer looks unsure. Anger and sorrow paints his face under the orange light illuminating outside. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I just want you to want me back </span>
  </em>
  <span>is what is left unsaid, Yuta is not stupid. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta steps forward, trying to get a better look at his face. They both breathe together, a silent understanding. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know me, Jaehyun. You’re in my head all the damn time trying to decipher every little fucking action, every word. You know how this is going to end.” Yuta reaches for his hand but Jaehyun yanks it back. There it is, Yuta thinks, fight back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The younger of the two looks anywhere except at the other. Yuta tries again, tries to catch his hands in his own, tries to catch his thoughts. Jaehyun accepts him while looking at the now sunken sun. He squeezes tightly while he waits for the other to sort out his thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>This whole thing, the small romantic gestures, the denial of oneself, the comfort in one another, it’s all so romantic. So romantic that Yuta wants to let go and run. He wants to run so far away, change himself and forget all about Jeong Jaehyun. A boy who found him in a club and took him home. Who kept coming back somehow. A boy who wanted adventure and thought he’d find it in a 5’9 man who hated himself more than he hated love. Slowly, it became a new normal. Seeking each other when both are lonely. Jaehyun convincing Yuta that he is capable of love. Yuta convincing Jaehyun that he needs to live life a little more. Expecting Jaehyun at the darkest hour was a new normal Yuta didn’t expect to get used to. Didn’t expect the hugs and kisses after Jaehyun fucks him like he wants him to. Didn’t expect to like how warm the taller man is. Maybe they were a match made in heaven with the way Jaehyun holds him when he cries. His long fingers wiping away Yuta’s many tears after a night of rough sex and countless beer cans lying around. I like it better this way, Yuta says. Then why are you crying? Jaehyun asks. He starts to cry just a little harder while Jaehyun holds him just a little tighter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It’s impressive how Yuta convinced himself that Jaehyun doesn’t want him, especially with the way Jaehyun coddles the older, how he pampers the older, how he takes care of the older. Jaehyun would drop everything in an instant if Yuta simply asked. Yuta says he fucking hates it one night to his friends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“The way he fucking babies me, It’s crazy. Like he doesn’t think I can fucking take care of myself.” Yuta shoves his burger in his mouth to avoid the knowing looks of his friends. He knows Jaehyun loves him. He knows what being in love looks like. He fucking hates it. A sigh is heard from one of his friends and a few murmurs. Yuta tries not to pay any attention to it.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After what felt like hours, Jaehyun turned his head to face the other. They’re both seeing through each other. Trying to understand the motive behind each action. It’s hard trying to keep your legs from shaking when under Jaehyun’s gaze. Instantly, Jaehyun pulls Yuta under his chin and wraps his buff arms around his frame, keeping him in place. Yuta stands still while he waits for something, anything from Jaehyun.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know who hurt you this badly,” Yuta takes in a sharp inhale. He suddenly feels uncomfortable in the arms he feels safest in, “but I want to right their wrongs.” Jaehyun finishes.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“This whole thing we have right now, the casual fucking, the lingering kisses, the goodnights and be safes, I want more.” Jaehyun makes sure he doesn’t let go of Yuta as he says this and he is grateful because at this point Yuta is sure his legs have given up on him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I want the good mornings and the come back homes, I want to see you when you’ve accomplished a goal of yours, I want to proudly hold your hand in the streets of our city, I want to kiss you slowly in the rain and risk us catching a cold the next day, I want the nasty arguments that make me stay up late wondering how I can make things better, I want to hold you when you cry over a sappy movie. I want to see you for you and I want to be yours, Yuta. I want you to see me as yours.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta shoves him off. His eyes are bleary and his mind has gone wild. The right words refuse to leave his mouth so he cries instead. He falls to the floor on his hands and knees, completely surrendered to the man above him. The sound of Jaehyun falling with him is hard to ignore. Tears stain his face as the moon slowly makes its way up from the horizon. Everything in Jaehyun’s apartment is illuminated; it practically glistens under the moonlight. A silhouette of a shaking man on the floor comforted by another man getting ready to take him in his arms is casted onto the floor. Yuta quickly looks up at him with a face hard to decipher. He regains control of himself and sits straight. They are now eye to eye, again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All Yuta can muster is a measly, “Why?” and Jaehyun starts tearing up with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would you think I wouldn’t want you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There are many reasons that Yuta could list right now but he felt as if he shouldn’t. Jaehyun would probably admire his flaws as well. Fucking sap. Yuta simply looks to the floor as Jaehyun starts playing with his right hand.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you accept me. Would you ever want me?” Jaehyun’s voice trembles, his throat thick as he asks. Yuta has never seen him in this state. It’s usually Yuta crying and opening his heart for the world to see. For Jaehyun to become one with Yuta like this leaves him stunned for a moment. He retracts his right hand from Jaehyun’s hold and starts faintly touching his cheek. He imagines his fingers are individual paintbrushes, painting the tears Jaehyun is too scared to spill. We’ll get there one day, Yuta thinks to himself, we’ll cry together one day and I will hold you like you held me. We will be one someday. I think I’m ready to see myself with you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Jaehyun’s eyes flutter close as Yuta’s hands travel their way to his jaw. He kisses him lightly. Pink ears are getting brighter and brighter and Yuta’s breathing gets lighter and lighter. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. I,” Jaehyun’s eyes are now open. He’s searching for something in the other’s eyes. It seems like he found it because now his shoulders are no longer tense and he shrinks just a bit more, “I want you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They kiss that night. Kiss until their lips feel numb and Jaehyun’s ears are impossibly red. Soft giggles and murmurs are heard as they make their way onto the couch and straddle one another. Quiet “I’ve always wanted this” and “You make me feel so euphoric” are said as they cuddle and kiss some more. Sometime later, Yuta apologizes and Jaehyun quickly starts rambling about how he needn’t apologize for who he is. You don’t need to say sorry. I understand, It’s okay no please don’t cry again please that’s enough tears for one night. You’re so lovely. I don’t think I could ever be disappointed in you. Jaehyun says this with such an incredible amount of warmth, Yuta thinks he will never feel a cold, empty space beside him for as long as he’ll live.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When did you realize you wanted more, Yuta asks as Jaehyun changes for bed. He turns to face the smaller man on the bed and pins him down. Laughing fits and let go of me’s fill up the bedroom. Do you really want to know? Yuta nods eagerly. When I saw you the morning after the third hookup of ours. The sun was peeking behind the curtain and you were curled up by my side. I didn’t think I could leave you there at that moment. You were so beautiful and you didn’t even know it. I want to be there to remind you of how perfect you are. I want this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Yuta punches him lightly and calls him corny as he turns the lights off. Inside he feels the moonlight grow bigger and brighter in his chest. During the night, Jaehyun is all his. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if u are currently judging me for how i ended the fic, you're not alone. i am ashamed. thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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